Not Your Typical Snape Love Story
by Three girl writers
Summary: You'll never guess where this story is going. Its full of twists and turns and strange encounters, and over what? Snape in love.
1. Bunny Ears and First Years

Chapter 1- Bunny Ears and First Years  
  
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were back in the Great Hall as Dumbledore was calling out the names of the new teachers.  
  
"Kira, Defense of the Dark Arts."  
  
There was a hush that filled the Great Hall as a short, pointed eared, woman in a little green velvet robe walked passed Dumbledore and smiled at him. Her skin was lightly tan, giving her a natural glow. As she walked across the stage her green tinted black hair flowed behind her.  
  
She took her seat next to a surprised Snape.  
  
Whispers could be heard going around the Great Hall; rumors ran like a wild fire. Finally she stood up, "Yes, I am part elf," she said with a voice that sounded like silver bells.  
  
As she sat back down, a silver locket slipped out of her robes. Snape smirked, "So, you kept it? I am surprised. I figured you would have gotten rid of it."  
  
"Why would I? Just because he's been dead for years doesn't mean I don't care about him anymore. You just couldn't wait to move on, could you Severus?" She snapped at him.  
  
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, and another intern named Haile sat at their own table.  
  
"Well I'll be damned," Ron said, "She's talking down to Snape!"  
  
"It's so, so," Harry started.  
  
"Funny!" Haile finished.  
  
"I, I can't, believe it," Draco and Hermione said in unison, then glared at each other.  
  
Snape smiled, "I see you haven't changed."  
  
Now it was Kira's turned to smile, "Yes, and I see you've gotten older."  
  
Snape rallied back, "As have you, but you haven't changed." He slowly dug his nails into his leg, not wanting to snap at her. She wasn't the one you wanted to get into a mud-slinging contest, because she always won. (btw, mud slinging means name calling basically.)  
  
Most of the evening was uneventful, that was until all hell broke loose. Good thing the students were gone.  
  
"Pig!" Kira yelled, pointing at Snape.  
  
"Self-centered bitch!"  
  
"Greasy slim ball!"  
  
"Oh, c'mon! You know better insults than that!"  
  
"Yeah, don't you look like a perfect angel," Kira pretended to gag.  
  
"Gees, you act like we are still students!" Snape said crossing his arms.  
  
Kira stuck out her tongue and walked away. Snape snickered and thought "I won!" when suddenly someone jumped on him and he was on the ground. He heard the 'poof' of a wand and a mirror appear. He stood up and screamed in horror. He saw that he was in a bunny suit, complete with ears and a basket of Easter eggs.  
  
He whipped around, but Kira was gone. He tried to take off the ears, but found he couldn't. He growled and stormed off to his dungeon office,  
  
Where Kira waited, sitting on his desk.  
  
"Hello, Snape."  
  
"Get out!" He yelled a bunny ear falling in his face.  
  
Kira flicked it away, "How long has it been?" She asked, "You know, since we left Hogwarts?"  
  
"Too long, now get out!"  
  
"Yes, way too long," She said, ignoring his warning tone.  
  
"Are you deaf? What did I just say?!"  
  
"That it's been too long."  
  
*Sweat drop*  
  
"You know it's been too long. You can't deny it. You can't deny the feeling you felt over these, how long has it been?" she asked seductively, slowly getting closer to him.  
  
"Ten years at the most, but you really must get out."  
  
"Oh c'mon," She said, pushing back the bunny eared hood and running her fingers through his hair.  
  
He froze a little, then closed his eyes, "Kira, it can't be like that anymore."  
  
"Why not?" She pouted, her head leaning on his shoulder.  
  
"Think of school code,"  
  
She started stroking his arm.  
  
"And the students,"  
  
She then caressed his head.  
  
"Or me," A new voice rang from the doorway. Snape whipped around, Kira still clinging to him. And who should be standing there but Dumbledore himself.  
  
Snape went so pale Snow White would be jealous. He looked ready to faint, it was bad enough he was in a bunny suit, and even worse that Kira was all over him.  
  
"MWAHAHAHA!" Kira exclaimed jumping away, "Got ya!"  
  
Dumbledore just smiled, "That she did."  
  
Snape growled, "You, you."  
  
"said it."  
  
"bitch."  
  
Ron, Harry, and Hermione ran in, jaws dropped to the floor, followed by Haile.  
  
"Is this what we do as teachers?" Ron asked.  
  
"Well, I like it," said Harry, inching toward Hermione.  
  
"Me too," said Haile, inching toward Ron.  
  
"I don't," said Ron, inching away from Haile.  
  
Disappointed, Haile inched toward Harry.  
  
Draco came in and Hermione inched towards him.  
  
Dumbledore looked at all of them, "To bed, all of you." And the interns walked out, Dumbledore following.  
  
"Well, Kira." Snape smirked.  
  
"Well, what?" She said simply unbuttoning her blouse.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"  
  
"Changing, my trunk is down here," she said, and Snape grabbed her hands.  
  
"But, I'm a guy, this, isn't right." Snape stuttered, a blush growing on his face, "It just isn't done."  
  
"Very well." She said, her blouse open to show her under shirt.  
  
Snape couldn't help but look, an undershirt never left one to wonder. Her's seemed to stick to her sides, not hiding much.  
  
She rose and Snape picked up her trunk to take it to her dorm. That was only the first time Snape knew, as did she, that destiny was going to bring them together.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Over breakfast, Dumbledore began to go over his plan for the year. Snape was only half listening, he was busy stirring his grits on his plate.  
  
"And Snape, Kira, Draco, and Hermione will be working with first years on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays, but only in the morning."  
  
Snape dropped his fork sending grits flying across the room, "First years? On a Monday morning? I'm not so sure that's a good idea."  
  
Harry just about died on the spot, "Snape nothing is good for you on Monday."  
  
Kira smiled, for she had a different way of handling things. She didn't have to use a wand most of the time, only because of the elf in her. What she did is just make the first years take notes, which not many teachers did anymore.  
  
Snape shook his head. He could see it all now. However what he imagined was just the beginning. The first years ended up launching a potions set across the room, coating the wall with an ugly mess. The stench was still there. And that was just the first day. 


	2. Teacher Scare and Flying Chairs

Harry yawned and looked around, waiting for the bell to ring. That's when he noticed something unusual. Kira had her left arm wrapped up. But why? She seemed fine, but it seemed odd that she could just cast a spell and heal herself. Maybe it was the elf in her, he thought.  
  
Haile walked up to him, "She'll be alright. She went to Mrs. Pomphrey this morning."  
  
"Yeah but still," he began to lean back in his chair, but leaned too far and the chair went flying from underneath him.  
  
"Ow,"  
  
Haile giggled. Harry jumped up and growled, "So, you think that's funny do you?"  
  
Haile nodded and broke into a hysterical laughing fit.  
  
"Your *snort* face!" Haile cried.  
  
He looked at the young witch rolling on the floor and sighed. He fell down and began a tickle-attack.  
  
"Hey, stop that!" Haile was crying from laughing so hard. She grabbed her sides and tried to escape.  
  
At that moment Snape walked in not only to see the two of them on top of each other but he also noticed the chair, which was now stuck in the side of the wall.  
  
"I shouldn't ask, should I?"  
  
Haile blushed as did Harry.  
  
"Well you see," Haile started.  
  
"It's not what you think," Harry said.  
  
"I don't want to know." Snape cut both of them off.  
  
The bell rang and the first years hurried along to their classes. Snape left, saying, "I don't know how the chair got up there, but it better come down by the time I get back."  
  
Harry and Haile were still lying on top of each other in the classroom. Harry grinned when Snape had left. Haile shoved him off of her.  
  
"We better figure out how to get that chair out of the wall. Snape has classes next period," said Haile.  
  
"You liked it," Harry said with a half smile.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"You know you did!"  
  
Haile kicked Harry in the crotch, then stormed over to the chair protruding from the wall and with one good yank got it out.  
  
"That wasn't so hard."  
  
Kira walked into the room to find Haile with a chair over her head and Harry doubled over on the floor, his hands between his legs.  
  
"Okay then," she said with a blank stare, "Where is Snape?"  
  
Haile shrugged, "The next room?"  
  
"And what happened to Harry?" She looked at Haile suspiciously.  
  
"Owww, she," but he was interrupted by another kick in the balls.  
  
"Chair accident." Haile said.  
  
Kira nodded and left the room hurriedly. She then went to Snape's office and lend in the doorway, "Hey."  
  
"Hey, HEY!" he yelled, "This is my office! Why do you keep following me?"  
  
"Um, I just wanted to warn you about your interns. They look too much like we did those some-odd years ago." She said walking towards him.  
  
"Yeah, so what are you getting at? I have just spent twenty minutes getting a potion set off the wall." Snape looked up finally to Kira's face. "What?"  
  
She touched the bottom of his chin.  
  
He looked into her eyes. She leaned in, "Severus,"  
  
"Y, yes?" he said, looking right at her.  
  
"Do you still remember that time?" She asked, only inches away from his face.  
  
"Yes. Why'd you leave?"  
  
She looked long and hard at him, "Because, I was needed in other places."  
  
He leaned back in his chair, "I see," He said getting up, "Next period's going to start soon." He started to head out of his office, and Kira was already gone.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lunch wasn't exactly the escape that the teachers and interns were looking forward to today. A shout of cheers erupted as two third years started a duel in front of everyone.  
  
"It's never a day with us unless something goes horribly wrong." Snape muttered and Kira just shook her head as Dumbledore stopped them.  
  
"Apparently not," Kira added. She then picked up her wand and left the table.  
  
Snape followed shortly and retired to his room. When he got there he found a lock floating in the air. He touched it with his wand.  
  
"Say password."  
  
Snape smiled and blushed, remembering old memories, "Snuggle bunny."  
  
The lock disappeared and in its place appeared a hologram of Kira's head.  
  
"Hi," she said.  
  
"Hi," he said.  
  
"Haven't heard snuggle bunny in a long time," she said.  
  
"So," Snape said, rubbing the back of his neck.  
  
"Come to my room," she said abruptly, then disappeared.  
  
He went to Kira's room. The door opened before he even knocked. And before he could walk in, Kira's arms reached out and pulled him in by the head, and threw him to the floor. She leaned over and kissed him long and hard.  
  
"."  
  
"Been awhile, huh?" she said.  
  
"Yeah." Snape said.  
  
He finally opened his eyes and found that the room had been done up with candles and a table had been set in the middle of the room, and enormous feast set in the middle of the room.  
  
"Um, we already ate." He said.  
  
"Now you haven't," she waved her wand at his stomach.  
  
"Gees, why'd you do that?" He asked.  
  
"So we can have a romantic dinner!" she said, whacking him on the head with a frying pan.  
  
He just noticed what she was wearing. It was a skimpy black dress without sleeves, not sleazy though. Just nice. It went down to her knees. She sat down at the table, "C'mon."  
  
"Um, I haven't been to a formal dinner in a long time." Said Snape.  
  
"Don't worry, it's something that stays with you."  
  
He sat at the table and placed the napkin in his lap.  
  
"Good," she winked.  
  
Snape felt his cheeks burn red.  
  
Kira leaned over and started to carve the turkey.  
  
"I'm allergic, remember?" said Snape.  
  
"Of course," she smiled, "That's why I'm giving you an extra helping."  
  
"You are evil," he said.  
  
"I was the only pranker at Hogwarts that got everyone."  
  
She touched the turkey with her wand and it turned into roast beef, "Better?"  
  
"Yes, thank you." he said.  
  
"No problem, how's your mother?"  
  
"What?!" he yelled, "You just love tormenting me, don't you!"  
  
"It was just a question, I didn't mean any harm by it."  
  
"I'm sure you didn't," he said, sitting back down.  
  
"Well, you two on speaking terms?"  
  
*silence*  
  
"Guess not," she said, frowning.  
  
"So, how is your first year at Hogwarts going?" Snape tried to change the subject.  
  
"It's not my first year." She said.  
  
"I mean teaching."  
  
"Well, um, yours?"  
  
"It's not my first year either."  
  
The two ate, making some small talk, and it became a pleasant evening. Snape closed his eyes, thinking. He opened them again and looked up. Kira was standing over him.  
  
"Kiss me you fool!" she said, leaning in close.  
  
Snape screamed and opened his eyes for real. The roast beef was gone, and Kira was standing over him.  
  
"Kiss me you fool!" she said. Kira looked like his mom.  
  
Snape screamed and opened his eyes.  
  
"Crap, double daydream!" he thought.  
  
"Snape, are you okay?" Kira asked, looking at him as if he was on drugs.  
  
"Yes, I'm fine." Snape answered, "Why?"  
  
"Because you're scaring me."  
  
"To the point of freak out?"  
  
"Getting there."  
  
She took a sip of her wine and volunteered to pour Snape some more.  
  
"Sure." Snape said.  
  
Snape laid his head in his hands, sighing as Kira poured him some wine. When he wasn't looking, she sprinkled some white powder into the drink, chanting an incantation under her breath.  
  
"Here you go," Kira said, handing him the drink.  
  
"Thanks," Snape took a swig and said, "Hey, this is really good! Give me some," Snape fell on the ground, passed out.  
  
"Now," Kira said to herself, "Why did I do that again?"  
  
She thought for a second, looking up at the ceiling. Snape slowly reached up and grabbed her leg, "Now then."  
  
"Hey!" she yelled, "You're supposed to be asleep!" She kicked him in the head and he fell back down. She leaned over him, "Now, why did I do that?"  
  
"I thought you would know!" she said again.  
  
"Oh yeah!" she said.  
  
"I'm a skitzo!"  
  
"What?" Snape asked.  
  
"You're supposed to be asleep!!!" both of her halves said and she kicked him in the head again.  
  
Snape grabbed her leg and pulled her to him, "Now then."  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"Oh!" she said, "I'm a skitzo!"  
  
"A what?"  
  
"A schizophrenic! I have two personalities!"  
  
"Then I guess I have to kiss you twice."  
  
"Okay, oOo!"  
  
Snape leaned over and kissed her. And when he was done, he kissed her again. She froze, then kissed him. And after this kissing fest was over, they both looked up and saw all the interns standing in the doorway, Dumbledore standing behind them.  
  
"Ahem."  
  
*cricket* *cricket*  
  
They got up off the floor and Kira straitened out her dress.  
  
"Um," Snape started.  
  
"We were practicing." Kira finished.  
  
"For what?" asked Ron, an eyebrow raised.  
  
"Um," Snape started.  
  
"It's just not your day," Dumbledore said.  
  
"For a play," said Kira.  
  
"Yeah, a play," Snape said.  
  
"Wait," Kira said, "What are you doing here? This is my private quarters!"  
  
"Because I'm your boss!" Dumbledore said.  
  
"This is an invasion of privacy!" Kira said.  
  
"It's Thursday, your students are waiting."  
  
Kira looked at the clock. Sure enough, it was 10:45, Thursday.  
  
"Your room is so dark you didn't realize that it was the next day," Hermione explained.  
  
Everyone then exclaimed, "Shut up!" Hermione ran away crying.  
  
"What's happening?" asked Kira.  
  
"I don't know," said Kira.  
  
"What do you mean!?" asked Kira.  
  
"You know perfectly well what I mean!" said Kira.  
  
"Okay, we are going to go now," Dumbledore said and motioned for the interns to leave.  
  
~*~hallway~*~  
  
"What was that about?" Haile asked Harry.  
  
"I don't know," Harry answered.  
  
"Simple," Ron said, "She's a skitz."  
  
Everyone fell over.  
  
~*~Kira's room~*~  
  
"Well, I better go," Snape said. He then turned and smashed his nose on the door. It started to bleed and he ran to get a Band-Aid and his teddy.  
  
Kira changed and went to her classroom.  
  
The interns were gathered there asking questions about the mornings events.  
  
"What do you think they were doing?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Isn't it obvious?" Ron said, "They were getting 'serious'!" he said with finger quotes as Kira walked in without his notice.  
  
"What!?" Hermione yelled.  
  
"You know," Ron started to explain, " 'getting serious', 'sexual intercourse', 'making love', 'burning-hot-sex, 's-e-x'?"  
  
Hermione hid her smile as Kira stood behind him, "I was unaware that you were so interested in the subject."  
  
"Don't be silly Hermione," Ron said, "I was talking about Snape and Kira."  
  
Kira turned red. She grabbed Ron by the ear and dragged him into her office.  
  
"Serves you right, perv!" Hermione yelled through her laughter.  
  
"And now to discus your punishment Ron," Kira said.  
  
"I know, I know, detention," Ron said.  
  
"Sounds good," she said, scribbling on a form, "And while we're at it, lets make it a week."  
  
"Okay," Ron responded, "But you were getting jiggy with it, right?"  
  
Kira slapped Ron as Snape walked in.  
  
"Hey, is this beat up on interns day?"  
  
"It should be," said Kira. She leaned over and whispered something in Snape's ear. Then Snape slapped Ron.  
  
"Hey! Hey! That's my face!"  
  
Kira dragged Ron out of the room and came back to still see Snape.  
  
"Well," she started then began to blush.  
  
"Ahem," Snape started to lean back and forth.  
  
"You know the interns and students have been spreading rumors."  
  
"Yup," said Snape, still rocking back and forth.  
  
"?" Kira said.  
  
Oh my gosh. This is really uncomfortable just wait for her to do something. I mean, you know, she's always come onto me, and you know she's going to do something; Snape's thoughts were interrupted by Kira.  
  
"Kiss me!" She whispered and shoved him to the floor and jumped on top of him. They kissed for who knows how long, until Kira pulled away gently, "Might as well give them something to talk about."  
  
~*~30 minutes and much noise later~*~  
  
"What do you think they're doing?" asked Harry.  
  
"Who cares?" said Hermione, "I honestly don't know why you have to find out." She watched Harry and Ron, their ears to the door, giggling.  
  
"I care!" said Ron, "I know they are," three hands hushed him.  
  
"They seem to be, well, in love I guess," Haile said as Draco walked up, "Who are we talking about?"  
  
"Me and you," Haile said putting a hand on Draco's chest and fluttering her eyelashes.  
  
"I see, in that case," Draco then felt a hand slapping him upside the head.  
  
"Kira and Snape you dumbass!"  
  
"Greek bait!"  
  
"Loser!"  
  
"Shit face!"  
  
"Why you little!" Haile made a dodge at Draco.  
  
~*~meanwhile~*~  
  
Dumbledore barged into Kira's office, hot and steamy and there was a funny musk in the air.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?!" he shouted.  
  
"Eating popcorn, want some?" Kira offered, holding up a red and white striped bag.  
  
"I do!" Snape said, clapping his hands.  
  
"What the hell?"  
  
"Funny monkey!" Snape yelled.  
  
"What happened to him?!" Dumbledore screamed.  
  
"Well you see, we're very drunk right now," Kira pointed out the 17 bottles of butter beer on the desk and the one in Snape's hand.  
  
~*~flashback~*~  
  
Snape was holding a bottle of butter beer and so was Kira.  
  
"Do you honestly think that you're going to get me to do it with you, again!" Snape was raving.  
  
"I'll hypnotize you!" yelled Kira.  
  
"How?" asked Snape, getting drunk.  
  
"With my magical," Kira began, already drunk.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"spinning,"  
  
"Yes?!"  
  
Kira threw open her blouse and Snape screamed, in joy? I guess we'll never know.  
  
~*~end of flashback~*~  
  
Dumbledore looked at them confused as they busted out in giggles. The interns snickered at their drunk teachers. Kira and Snape were hugging at the moment.  
  
Snape went to sit down in the spinning office chair as Ron pointed his wand at it and whispered something under his breath. The chair moved away just as Snape was about to sit down. He hit the ground with a thump, then stood up, cursing under his breath.  
  
~*~*~*  
  
Snape felt his forehead; it was pounding. He looked around, he was in his room, but something wasn't right. Something was wrong. He tried to sit up, but he found he couldn't; he had Kira on him, her arms wrapped around him.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he yelled, "Shit, damn, and other explicits! Hangover and Kira. Damnit!"  
  
Kira lifted her head up, "You hate me?" she asked, tears in her eyes.  
  
"Well, yes!" he answered.  
  
"Then why the hell did you sleep with me?" she asked, now crying.  
  
"I mean, I hate the fact that we need to keep this a secret. You know, with all the bad stories of in-work-relationships, and," Snape didn't get to finish for Kira kissed him.  
  
"Damn you!" Snape yelled.  
  
"What?" she asked hugging him, "You don't want to say it, but you do, you love me," she brought him closer, "Besides, you need me, you're kinder now."  
  
Snape felt the back of her big t-shirt, "This is mine."  
  
"I know," she said, "That's why I'm wearing it."  
  
"You are strange, you know that," Snape said, "Where did you go, when you left?"  
  
"Away," Kira answered, looking out the window.  
  
"Why did you leave?"  
  
"I felt like I needed to, I didn't hurt you, did I?"  
  
"A little, you did leave suddenly."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"It's not your fault," Snape said, laying his head on her neck, "It's not anyone's fault."  
  
"Then why did it feel like it?"  
  
~*~weeks later~*~  
  
Almost everyone had forgotten about Snape and Kira. It was normal again. They were pretty hostile to each other in the halls. Well almost.  
  
Kira leaned on a nearby pole, feeling sick. Snape came over and made a smart remark, just before Kira threw up on him.  
  
"Well, thank you."  
  
"I, help," Kira barely got out before she passed out.  
  
Snape carried her into the nurse's office, where he paced back and forth until Madame Pomfrey finally came out and said, "I have some good news, and some bad news."  
  
"Good news!" Snape yelled.  
  
"Um, It's a boy?" She said, bracing herself for his reaction.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Just kidding, but she is pregnant."  
  
"As in baby?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"As in, baby?!"  
  
"Uh, yes."  
  
As in, BABY!"  
  
"YES!" Madame Pomfrey slapped him upside the head.  
  
"And the bad news?"  
  
"The bad news is she's sick, really sick. I don't know if the baby will make it."  
  
"Shit Mother Fucker!" he yelled.  
  
"SNAPE! WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!"  
  
"Oh, cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it," he snapped then sunk in a chair next to a sleeping Kira. 


End file.
